Of all the fears people have in today's times, one of them is the fear of being alone, being left out, fear of not having friends, close aides or having a confidante. The need of the hour is that we ask ourselves if we really need someone ? Do we really have to be in the company of random bunch of people to feel normal let alone survive? Let me try finding a path to the answers to these questions if unable to find the answers.
In many educational institutions, workplaces, the most common thing found is group-ism, people with vaguely similar likes and even more vague connections end up forming groups, without letting friendship breathe, whereas people who don't really believe in groups and stay aloof from these groups are considered weird and not so worthy to be friends with, however ironically they are the ones who compliment the introvert by saying " It's a good thing you're not into groups and all" I wonder if they really feel this way then why are they in a group then? The root foundation of most of these groups is survival. "Everyone thinks that they are a lion/lioness however in this urban law of the jungle they have to survive like a pack of wolves", this isn't the gospel truth, if it is then where is it written ?, which manual for survival states that this is how one can survive in a certain environment ? These are just man-made rules made for one's convenience and the other's inconvenience. There are many who are strong enough to sail through without being a part of this farce, on the other hand there are many who give in to the pressure of being a part of a group, because they themselves don't know their worth as an individual, they go through the same journey as the white bird below.
Now look at this white bird trying to approach the other birds around her, the other birds don't bother to even respond to her, don't get me wrong for it's not the issue of dark and white. If one peels the layer of this superficial assumption and prejudice of color, one will see that the issue here is being different, the white one is different from the others. We humans are also like these dark birds as we also have the tendency to have only those in our groups who are to a certain extent just like us, not exactly yes men or our clones but someone similar, the problem is sometimes they are too similar that we find it uncomfortable and disturbing to have someone different join us, we never really observe or evaluate these new people because for all we knew they could be worth being friends. Such case of prejudice reminds me of a quote from a movie.
Look even this bird looks all confident and looks the most attractive in her group, not again because of her color, but because she acknowledged, valued, respected and loved the fact that she is unique and need not change herself for anyone, or any group. She is not the ODD ONE OUT she is the ONE THAT STANDS OUT. the birds at the left also seem as if they are running to join and gaze at this white bird.
In many educational institutions, workplaces, the most common thing found is group-ism, people with vaguely similar likes and even more vague connections end up forming groups, without letting friendship breathe, whereas people who don't really believe in groups and stay aloof from these groups are considered weird and not so worthy to be friends with, however ironically they are the ones who compliment the introvert by saying " It's a good thing you're not into groups and all" I wonder if they really feel this way then why are they in a group then? The root foundation of most of these groups is survival. "Everyone thinks that they are a lion/lioness however in this urban law of the jungle they have to survive like a pack of wolves", this isn't the gospel truth, if it is then where is it written ?, which manual for survival states that this is how one can survive in a certain environment ? These are just man-made rules made for one's convenience and the other's inconvenience. There are many who are strong enough to sail through without being a part of this farce, on the other hand there are many who give in to the pressure of being a part of a group, because they themselves don't know their worth as an individual, they go through the same journey as the white bird below.
Now look at this white bird trying to approach the other birds around her, the other birds don't bother to even respond to her, don't get me wrong for it's not the issue of dark and white. If one peels the layer of this superficial assumption and prejudice of color, one will see that the issue here is being different, the white one is different from the others. We humans are also like these dark birds as we also have the tendency to have only those in our groups who are to a certain extent just like us, not exactly yes men or our clones but someone similar, the problem is sometimes they are too similar that we find it uncomfortable and disturbing to have someone different join us, we never really observe or evaluate these new people because for all we knew they could be worth being friends. Such case of prejudice reminds me of a quote from a movie.
I don't want to be product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me
-Jack Nicholson (initial voice-over from the movie "The Departed")
When we, the introverts and loners start off our journey at such places we feel we are fine the way we are, we are happy and friends that can be counted in one hand will suffice but this whole hoopla of groups slowly starts spreading as an epidemic, this man-made ideology is shown as the natural way of living, it's considered a crime to not be in a group, and out of the peer pressure and the pressure of the ambiance created by this so called need to survive, even we slowly try to fit in groups or try to form our own groups, however because of being amateurs the results aren't really comforting.
Look at the bird here her head isn't really visible, as if hiding from something,but what ? Maybe her own self ? It so happens in this rat-race of being in groups that you are obliged by being in a group but on certain conditions, one of the topmost condition being to shed your original self and be like the others are in the group, "don't speak what you want to speak about, speak what others want to hear about," "If the members are practical, you have to learn to be practical too, your emotional nuances won't be tolerated" these are certain things I was told to do in order to survive. You do try this technique for a certain period but after a while as you are using this technique, bridge between the real you and this "group-member you" starts breaking, you try to maintain that balance too, but then this whole arrangement, this need for change to survive, this need to balance the real and the created aspects of your personality begin to suffocate you. You hide from yourself as you now feel confused as to who really are you?and if you are a changed you then why are you this changed you ?
If one stops itself at a point and begins to think about it they should certainly ask themselves these questions:
1. Isn't this whole system and paradoxical farce ?
2. How is one supposed to survive if one is to shed it's real self ? Don't I have my right to stay unique to succeed and look extraordinary and not mundane ?
3. Are these people worth changing for ? Are these people of my kind or wavelength ? Aren't they making me feel bullied or picking on me by constantly dictating as to how to stay in a group and how to survive which is funny because they themselves haven't seen the true big picture of this world and this life , so how would they know the truth ?
Sometimes you do meet people who act like your confidante and say that they are your true friends and that they will never leave your side, but when the opportunity arrives, they don't hesitate in joining other groups for their own survival and if you take a stand for yourself, they ignore you as if you have violated them in a certain way, such people are generally called "wolf in the skin of sheep" i find it funny because such wolves then join and follow a herd like sheep, so why so much pride in being a wolf when you act like sheep? Why be a wolf or a sheep to follow a pack or a herd when you can be the Lion and lead the pride?
No i don't ask you to be haughty and aggressively arrogant, but yes, the belief of being uniquely perfect the way you are and not getting influenced by the words of others would be an apt suggestion. One must believe in oneself and once this belief is strong you are self-satisfied, self-satiated and self-reliant, and once you reach this stage others will come to you, just don't have these expectations though, I know it sounds a very tricky procedure but it's really very effective.
The way effort is being made to negate the ideology of the need of groups for survival, I would also like to make an effort to prevent another ideology from being created that all groups are fake, survival-sake or are a bunch of bullies, the fact that we judge the other group because they mistreated us would also not be a very noble thing to do, because hatred leads no where, maybe that's how their friendship was with which we couldn't connect, maybe that's how their ideology is which we don't relate too, maybe they are poor souls who seem this as a way of survival and are themselves unaware with the concept of friendships. One realizes true friendship in a group when one sees it, I have and I am fortunate enough to have friendly relations with a few groups like these, for the groups who unceremoniously treated me, well it's their choice to not look like colorful group of birds and look like a dull colored herd of sheep. Then again I don't see myself as a member of any group, nor do I pine to be in one, if I am destined to find a few friends who take me in their group or I end up having a friendly group of my own, then I'll say fortune has smiled at me from ear to ear. Maybe I am in that path of being in a group of friends only for the ulterior motive of friendship and not survival. I can then feel that I am in a human's world and not some urban jungle. Who knows I'll be the white bird of my group, in the end don't we all desire to be one of our groups ? although the key to that is "It ain't a coup to be in a group" so it's high time we free ourselves from this loop.
