The Elemental Daughters and Their Trysts With Love II

Part 2: Earth and the Faces of Love.

Earth, one of the elements we are known to be made of, an element that keeps you grounded, an element that we will end up going to once our life is over, perhaps the only element that isn't in motion. It doesn't have to reach anywhere like the flames of fire have to, neither does it flow anywhere like the water, it isn't light like the air, nor does it envelope anything like the sky/space/ether does. What makes Earth so special then? It is perhaps the only element that provides without judging. It bears everything positive and everything negative, it tolerates every possible burden without complaining, it is only when it becomes beyond its capacity to bear is when it trembles, to lighten itself, to bring things to balance or at times to only display its fury at how man mistreats the nature. 

Eons ago was a time when this very earth gave birth. She gave birth to someone believed to be an incarnation of a goddess, the goddess who as a part of a divine plan had to descend to earth as a human and it seems she may have thought that let her take birth from the womb of the one whose plight the gods and goddesses wished to lessen. Thus she was born of the earth, but little did she know that she would indeed end up being like her mother, patient, kind, bearing, providing and enduring and when the man judged her and treated her with disrespect which was too much to be endured she displayed her fury and chose to abandon him and go back to the very earth who bore her. Her name itself came from her mother "seet"which means furrow, thus she was named Sita.

Sita is worshiped across India and also Nepal, but as much as she is revered, she is misjudged and misunderstood. It won't be wrong of me to say that whenever we hear the name Sita, we imagine a woman who is teary-eyed, who is alone and who is very helpless, it is sad that beyond these superficial descriptions that are subconsciously laid down by the society we are unable to see her resilience, her strength, her fierce determination which albeit silently speaks volumes of her caliber. It's worth wondering of how shallow it is on our part that when it comes to Draupadi (daughter of fire), we are quick to opine that she was someone who was strong minded and determined( something that we have just begun to appreciate otherwise even her confidence and strength was misjudged as petulance and haughtiness) only because she was vocal and brazen, but when it comes to Sita, her silent resilience is misjudged as her helplessness, only because she is polite and demure, because she chooses to measure her tone to express opinions. It only shows how quick we are at taking anything at face value and our inability to interpret things that are written between the lines. Which leads to the question that have we been worshiping Sita out of devotion or out of sympathy?

Following the lines of the first part, this post is based on my understanding and interpretation of Sita from renowned author Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's, bestselling novel "The Forest of Enchantments", which is basically the narration of the popular epic "Ramayan" from Sita's point of view. Chitra in her version of  Sitayan (the journey of Sita) continues to amaze the readers as she did in her decade old classic "The Palace of Illusions", both these books show how skillfully she has you investing in two of the most misunderstood female protagonists of Indian mythological epics. While in Palace of Illusions Draupadi experienced the forms of love till she realized the truest form of love, in the Forest of Enchantments, Sita observed the various faces of love while she experienced the same only to realize love in its entirety. 

 

The book makes the story step down from the huge pedestal of an epic to a sacred position of a love story that has a tragic ending. The book is a journey of a woman from her marriage till she decides to abandon this materialistic and judgmental world. 

The love of Sita and Ram is just the other end of the extremes of love; at one end of which is the impulsive and passionate love of Shakti and Shiva , in the intermediate lies the innocent and carefree love of  Radha and Krishna, and eventually the toughest end of this spectrum representing endurance and patience of love is the love of  Sita and Ram. 

In her initial days of her marriage, adjusting to her roles as a wife and as a daughter-in-law, Sita discovered happier and lighter aspects of love. She discovered how even duty is a form of love, she realized how love works in its ways irrespective of desires and expectations; 

.....the more love we distribute, the more it grows, coming back to us from unexpected sources. And its corollary: when we demand love, believing it to be our right, it shrivels leaving only resentment behind.

When her husband got banished as a result of his stepmother's insecurities, she realized how love changes into hate in an impulse. Love is too pure and hence very fragile, so susceptible to the dilutions of human expectations and insecurities, that merely loving doesn't become enough, the love has to be guarded with respect and freedom. For love doesn't mean binding, nor does it mean an imposition of wishes. 

Earthly as she was, Sita always found herself connected to the forest, thus in the exile she never felt the pangs of suffering or discomfort, that began when she was abducted by Raavan. While in captivity, as she steeled her mind making herself immune against the cajoling and threats of the demon king she couldn't help but observe how complex love was in the case of Raavan and his wife Mandodari, who knew her husband has committed a sin, yet her love for her husband didn't subside. It is debatable that love is that complex that one's love conflicts with the other or is the human nature that complex that  the situational decisions it makes out of its wits, desires or expectations, creates this illusion of love having so many complexities. 

As soon as she was rescued, She was abandoned by her husband, who was doing his duty as the king of Ayodhya. On having been abandoned by the other half of her soul, she chose to burn herself alive, only for the god of fire to give testimony of her purity, post which even her husband apologized assuring her that he knew as her husband that she was chaste, it was only his kingly duties that restricted him. She realized the impulsive nature of love when even she was quick to forgive him. 

However, the trials and tribulations weren't over yet, for after they returned from their exile and were crowned king and queen, the people of Ayodhya indulged themselves in filthy gossip regarding Sita's chastity, which forced Ram to banish her to forest again, an action for which he is criticized till date. Little did he know that his beloved wife was pregnant with twins when he decided to take this dreadful step. 

In this second phase of forest exile she felt defeated by love because no matter how severe this injustice felt, she couldn't bring herself to hate Ram. It's noteworthy that she never tried to change Ram or lead him away from his idealistic ways, no matter how extreme they may have seemed. She knew that love no matter how deep or true doesn't ensure change at the end of our beloved, the best that can happen is we change ourselves. Change out of love is meaningful only when you feel inspired by your love and not out of desire to posses your love or the expectation of having your love requited. 

As she entered the phase of motherhood with the birth of her sons Luv and Kush, she realized that the love in it's purest form is the one between a mother and her child, a mother who out of care and affection provides and its child who out of care and volition serves her. 

At the final stage of her story when the world demanded a proof of her chastity again, she brought forth her fury. She like the earth couldn't bear the burden of misjudgment, gossip, reputation, unnecessary trials any longer. The biggest burden that she had to bear for the fourteen years she spent away from her beloved was the burden that arose from the constant need of sacrificing love for duty. Thus to set an example for the succeeding generations of womenkind she chose not to bow down to the prejudice of the society and renounced the world by going back to her mother earth.  Her journey was indeed one of a kind, for she served as an example not only by how she lived but also by how she chose to depart from this world of which she didn't feel the need to belong to. 

As the earth cracked open to take away her most beloved daughter with her, she could see her beloved husband profusely apologizing and claiming his love for her. She was in awe at the marvel of how she had forgiven him long ago, of she knew that he had always loved her even when he had to abandon her. She knew that she loved him even if she had felt betrayed by him. It is amazingly explained by the author in the last lines of this book.

"'I forgave you a long time ago', I say to Ram. 'Though I didn't know it until now. Because this is the most important aspect of love, whose other face is compassion: It isn't doled out, drop by drop. It doesn't measure who is worthy and who isn't. It is like the ocean. 

Unfathomable. Astonishing. Measureless.'"

Thus, love is as simple and at the same time as twisted as we perceive or interpret it to be. We love our loved ones the way we understand love and the ones who love us, they show love in the way they understand love, so who got love and who didn't is not that easy a question to answer, but rest assured, all forms of  love comes from compassion. It has compassion as one of its faces yet puts us through the hard times, it demands freedom yet it binds and pulls us with its golden ropes at its will. 

The book had an interesting approach at showing Sita as someone who is an incarnation of goddess indeed but due to being born a human she isn't aware of her divine self, something she gets only in fragments, something she realizes when she has realized love entirely.

Taking cue from the above, the final conclusion that could be drawn from the journey of both these Elemental Daughters is that when love is realized without any regret the way it was by Draupadi and when love is understood without any judgement and bias, the way it was by Sita, it does help you realize your divine potential. Thus one should go with the flow of love, realizing and accepting its forms and faces at the same time have faith in love as it will eventually help you realize the divinity in its entirety. Just remember one thing.

That entirety is you and that divinity is love.  

The Elemental Daughters and their tryst with love I

Part 1: Fire and the Forms of Love.

Fire, an element that is too extreme in its nature, when confined to a small lamp, lantern or a prayer-furnace it is a symbol of hope, divinity and warmth but when set free it renders everything found in it's path to ashes. Thus, it's safe to say that fire is kind, hopeful, encouraging and at the same time, impulsive, impatient and vengeful, yet it is considered and revered as the purest element. Such were the attributes of fire's daughter too, her birth gave her the names Yagyaseni (the one born out of a yagya) and Agnisuta (the one born out of fire), her attraction and complexion got her the name Krishnaa (the most attractive/ black or dark), after her land she got the name Panchaali (the one from the land of Panchal) and finally because of her father she got the eternally famous name of Draupadi (the one who is the daughter of Drupad). The elemental daughter being spoken about is Draupadi, the daughter of fire, her struggle is known but what is not known is her tryst with love.

The knowledge and understanding regarding one of the most popular female protagonists of this epic is pretty limited. The common folk (the ever existing breed) know her as a woman who was insulted when an attempt was made to publicly disrobe her, the patriarchal folk (the heavily populated breed) has used her as an example, by considering her as the cause of a catastrophic war for generations to instill fear in the minds of women willing to break free and lastly the feminist folk (a budding breed) know her as an independent, strong-willed, determined, fierce minded woman thus encouraging the women folk to just break the shackles and establish themselves as the equal one-third part of the human species.

It's not easy to understand Draupadi, a character in an epic that's known to be bigger than 10 times that of Homer's Illiad and Odyssey combined, an epic which was hugely dominated by the male population of which she was the female protagonist, various television serials came by and went but the depth was somewhat lacking, the depth that was required to understand the complexities of a character as complicated as her. 

Of the various books and novels that I read, I came across a hugely recommended "The Palace of Illusions", by noted author Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. The book made an attempt to narrate the great epic of Mahabharata from Draupadi's point of view, and what better way to understand the character than let that character be at the center and let it express what it felt during these chain of events. The book took paths that were less taken, and narrated in a bold and effective fashion. It did add some myths to this piece of mythology (which is a dying genre) but rather than questioning it, the book enables me to reason with it, not that the book was influential but it just presented what the possibilities were and if my mind had the capacity to include them and fathom deeper than it already did. 

It is said that the purest emotion in Mahabharat is the emotion of revenge, the seeds of the famous Kurukshetra war, the infamous game of dice were all sown in the soil of vengeance. Far away from a family feud was a king (Drupad) burning with the desire for revenge against a former friend (Drona) for his supposed humiliation, it was out of revenge that he craved for children that would fulfill his dream of having that friend killed and create a division in the family of the student (Arjuna) who humiliated the king at the behest of the friend. Out of this fire of vengeance came Draupadi, who was destined to create a division in the family of Pandavas and Kauravas. 

Being a child of vengeance Draupadi never really experienced love as parent would shower upon its child, for her father she was just an instrument of revenge. The other people close to her gave her everything they felt was love but she couldn't feel it that way. She found protection in her twin brother and later affection and attention from her five husbands but how much of that affection could be called love is difficult to interpret. Her only solace was her dearest friend Krishna. It's noteworthy that when it comes to giving examples of friendship from Mahabharat people only talk about the friendship between the "antagonist" Duryodhan and the grey shaded "Karna", but seldom is the friendship between Krishna and Draupadi mentioned, it could be because of our notion that devotion is the only possible relation between Human and its God, forgetting that sakhya bhav (Emotion of Friendship) is another form of Devotion itself, or because our society has just come to terms with the reality of a genuine platonic friendship between a man and a woman.

This book also brings to light a possible story that people mostly don't know, or they know but they don't wish to talk about it because its controversial to mention, the story of the hidden feelings Draupadi had for the tragic hero and the unlikely villain of the epic, Karna. 

Before any judgments are passed, it would be right to say that Draupadi did remain loyal to all her husbands, as it was her exhorting and her motivation that got the Pandavas ready to fight the war. Each Pandav loved her in his own way. Yudhishtir's love was polite, shy and gentle, Bheem's love was passionate and a mild irrational,Nakul and Sahdev's love for her was tender and innocent, and Arjun, the Pandav she cared for and whom she yearned for the most; Arjun's love was cryptic and distant as if he silently declared that if Draupadi couldn't be his alone, his heart wasn't there in sharing her. 

However, she couldn't really reciprocate the feelings of the five brothers, at least not equally, they loved her but it wasn't the kind she had longed for since her birth.

The book talks about how her husbands gave her the kingdom and palace that she had desired for and made her the most powerful queen but she wasn't able to ward off the thoughts she had for the man who was her husbands' sworn enemy, the thought that if she had chosen Karna her life would have been better and less complicated. Things were looking better in spite of all this but then the unfortunate event of the game of dice happened and the infamous humiliation of Draupadi at the hands of Duryodhan and Dusshasan occurred. It was in this hour of need that none of the elders of her family came to her help, her husbands who should have protected her, only stood still with their heads hung low, but the biggest blow to Panchaali was given by Karna, when he was revealed as one of the perpetrators of her humiliation. She felt betrayed, for she knew she rejected him but this humiliation was an unexpected ramification of an inadvertent wrong-doing, something that can't be justified no matter what. The feelings that stayed with her, her curiosity about him, the feelings that she not dared to call love got diluted with Karna's desire for vengeance, the vengeance that infected her to desire vengeance. 

In the passing years while in forest exile and the incognito period, Draupadi's desire for war and revenge was resolute, she fought with her feelings, for she didn't have come to terms with the situations. She felt betrayed and humiliated no doubt, but when she got to know Karna's truth and the fact that he regretted his actions, a part of her mind that held a grudge against him, felt calm, she could see herself empathizing with him. Her feelings swung between empathy, love and hate during the war, courtesy Karna's dilemma, the undefined attraction and his role in killing Abhimanyu in the war respectively. It  was because of these feelings that she was the first one to fall to her death while the Pandavas marched for heaven. 

All her life, suffering from humiliation, harassment and losses and also enjoying the status of queen and ruling as an empress, Draupadi always felt that she never got the love she had always longed to get. In an episode from the book she was told by Sage Ved Vyas (the author of Mahabharat) that she would get love but she would never recognize who would she get the love from. When she was all alone and ready to let her soul abandon the body as she had fallen from the mountain, she felt someone's presence by her side, it was none other than Krishna. 

She then recalled that when the shameful incident of disrobing happened, the only person of whom she could thing of to soothe her mind and assure her peace was Krishna, who then saved her, she recalled that all the happiest memories of her life  at the palace, forest or at incognito involved his presence by her side, she recalled  he was always there around to assure her and to look after her, whenever her mind was at distress. 

Thus she realized that she did get love, but not from her husbands and certainly not from the man she was attracted to but from her dearest friend, Krishna. So what, if the love was platonic, it was a love that never asked anything in return and was yet hopeful, a love that didn't expect, a love that always forgave, a love that never lessened or changed even if she had changed into someone vengeful, it was platonic devoid of any physical or materialistic desires but it was fulfilling spiritually and existentially. She did see two forms of love, to say in her own words:

"If what i felt for Karna was singeing fire, Krishna's love was a balm, moonlight over a parched landscape." 

- The Palace of Illusions

The love Draupadi had for Krishna is defined by many as devotion, but if observed closely, it indeed is the love emanating out of friendship. Draupadi felt entitled for his attention and he always indulged her, he spoke to her in riddles and never really gave out the whole truth, but when she needed someone the most, she could always count on Krishna. 

In the end no matter what our perception is regarding Draupadi, when it comes to yearning for love, we are no different from her. We crave for love and when we get it we don't really recognize it. There is a famous line in the book.

"Love comes like lightning, and disappears the same way. If you're lucky, it strikes you right."

There is nothing wrong in craving, yearning or desiring for a particular form of love, but you never know love will strike you in which form, not that the other forms lay dormant, they strike you too, but the form which gives a jolt so energetic that you feel healed, protected, assured and calm in the sea of hardships and pleasures which is this life, is the one worth carrying and reminiscing at the time of death. You may feel you haven't been struck but look closely and think deeply, only then will you feel the exciting jolts of love and thus realize you were long struck by love. We all are eventually. 

The Elemental Daughters

One emerged from the fiery embers..
The other from the moist furrow...
Generations for eons have known their legends..
Their happiness, humiliation, victory and sorrow..
Beyond this tale so known
Lies their journey, to others unknown..
One saw love in scattered fragments
The other saw its diverse faces.
It was when they combined the fragments and faces..
And witnessed love in its entirety..
That they discovered the truth, realised their identity..
Thus validating their existence which I hope..
Will be remembered in perpetuity.

Manzil Ki Talaash

Sab Kuch Toh Paa Liya Hai,

Phir Bhi Dil Bechain kyun hai ?

yeh Kaisi anjaani khalish Hai

iska ehsaas din-rain kyun hai?

Ek nayi Manzil ki firaaq mein

Mann bhatakta hai darbadar

Ab bhi adhura lage yeh kaarwaan

Ki mila nahin mere khwaabon ka Nagar

Zinda Hoon fir bhi Bejaan sa kyun hoon?

Dil ka haal Jaan Kar Bhi

Dil ki baat se Itna Hairaan sa Kyun hoon?

Aaram ka yeh waqt hai ,par Aaram ki Aadat Nahin

Awarapan ko Gale Laga Lun, Aisi Meri fitrat Nahin

Manzil ki tishnagi mein, Safar ka maza bhul gaya

Awarapan se bhaagte bhaagte

Main waakai awara ho gaya

Manzil Khud chalkar Aaegi Mera Dil Mujhse yeh Kehta Hai

Jis Nagar Ki Talash Thi ab vahin par Tu rehta Hai

Bechainiyon se mat ghabra woh Teri betaabi hai

Apne dil ki Sun Le, Saccha  vahi Tera Humrahi hai

Woh Kehta Hai manzil ki mat Soch Manzil toh tu paa hi Jayega

Par Safar ka lutf uthane ka

Jo mauka ab Aaya Hai

Apni bechaini Mein kho kar

Phir use gavayega

Let it come to Me

Let it come to me.

for long enough have i longed for it.

It can find its way to me.

To the purpose of my life, that i kept looking for,

but found no sign, no realization of any kind

I ended up seeing myself, wondered how was I blind.

I know myself now, my mission no matter unknown,

am i to just plough the field where the seeds are already sown?

To this purpose so elusive,

to me that seems exclusive,

I say, Let it come to me,

for long enough have i longed for it.

It can find its way to me.

To the love of  hers that i have yearned for,

but never was i adorned with it.

I was told "I am a Man" 

That my duty, with regards to love ,was to give the same,
that it has been unrequited, 
on no one could I blame.
They say love comes after much delay,
that you don't choose it, it chooses you;
they don't say the fear too is in it's relay,
"What if i end up alone?", 
"What if love refuses you?"
To such a love that's evasive
that yet to me is Persuasive,
I say, Let it come to me,
for long enough have i longed for it.
It can find its way to me.

To the thoughts i struggle to ink
the times when even my mind had to blink.
At times i never found the words to express,
that would to your mind seductively caress.
And the other i found the words but not the flow,
it all seemed scattered, pointless and pathless,
Alas! at the end the plot was lost, no further could I  go.
At times such, you meet ,your own visage that's insecure
it shows that it's concerned, but it's all a charade.
"Have I lost my touch and talent? Is my heart less pure ?"
with these thoughts the mind makes way
for the overthinking fearful mind's parade.
I struggle while inking, not while thinking.
I recall the struggle being ephemeral,
letting my mind delve deeper,
to create something surreal and ethereal,
and my mind appears as the victorious reaper.
To the thoughts i wish to ink,
to the words through which i aim to create a link,
I say, Let it come to me,
for long enough have i longed for it.
It can find its way to me.

Let it come to me, 
for long enough have i longed for it.
It can find its way to me.

From fornication, to salvation, by Consummation

I lay awake in my bed with her by my side,
she was asleep for she was content and pleasured
while i fought with the feeling that i was drowning
in an ocean whose depth hadn't been measured.

Not that i did not enjoy the pleasures of fornication,
I was satisfied, like the many years in the past,
my heart though ached for a joyful consummation,
the love when made, would go on to last.

The former is exciting, with no expectations,
Promising you variety, making you greed for more,
"No strings attached" as said in the common folklore.

But when there are no strings for a time too long,
Life seems wayward, struggling with the dearth of a purpose,
it seems all noise, like a sad metal song. 

The latter is a beautiful prospect,
for it binds you, guides you with a path forward
Providing the liberty to expect.

Then why did i choose to be promiscuous?
This question reminds me of the times,
when regarding matters of the heart,
I was a bit too innocuous.

I was set to seek, what looked like binding,
But was too awed to notice, it was blinding.
Not my body, soul or mind 
If anything, i felt robbed of my value.

I was heartbroken, i don't wish to say how,
I felt unworthy, i felt alone, yet i didn't insult love.
for i knew it was an experience that left me scarred
I was just scared, albeit too much,
Made myself too wary, never letting my hopes get marred.

Thus i chose the path of physical union,
where love was made without any love,

Ironical as it sounds, I felt protected
For now i didn't feel hurt or broken
A perfect "armor against amour".
This path turned out well selected
As for no one until now, i could let feelings harbor.

Yes "until now", for this girl who lays beside me,
she seems ecstatic now, but is quite enigmatic.
As i see her smile now, it's a smile beyond ecstasy.
It signifies a fulfillment of a dream, 
Not another bedroom fantasy.

The days we spent before this fateful night,
we would talk and observe,
For when she was around,
I felt an uncomfortable comfort.

For her words made me want to go back,
To that old version of me,
The one who was long forgotten, 
The one judged to be so cheesy,
but her presence made me feel that perhaps,
returning to that old self would be breezy.

However, i had gotten so used to restraining myself to the body,
my conscience fought hard to coerce my mind towards the soul.
As i brought my eyes to her beautiful pair,
I observed her looking beyond me as if i were a ghoul.

The way she saw, made me feel naked,
for i felt the piercing of her sight,
that went beyond skin and flesh,
till it discovered my wounds, 
that i feared would go back to being fresh.

I saw her wipe a struggling tear,
assuming we shared similar foes,
we smiled and let the attraction takes it course
for that flirtatious tension existed,
that neither wanted to ruin by sharing woes.

Her words and eyes already made me feel chaste,
and now her touch felt like salvation.
I now realize how much I am at peace,
like that lost traveler who made it to it's destination.

As my thoughts helped me reach a decision,
she woke up stretching her sinuous limbs lazily,
her eyes were teary like that day,
she wore that same smile, although
in that smile hid a question very hazily. 

I was early to wipe that tear away,
as i cupped her face and kissed her forehead,
her smile became wider, it declared we were ready,
to put our souls at stake,
thus we cuddled and snuggled to sleep,
but in love we felt awake.

For we explored each others' bodies in fornication,
only to reach a destination, 
the path of which was paved by a connection,
a connection beyond body and soul,
thus the medium was this fornication,
only to reach a destination,
a destination that was salvation,
a salvation by this consummation.

It's Showtime

The stage is set, the crowd will arrive.

The spotlight will be on me,

but in the ocean of my thoughts,

my mind took a dive 

It is searching for something special.

Something that brings my act alive.

Something that makes me look vibrant

for when the audience applaud looking at me

 then can i push myself to be exuberant.

what is this act you may ask with doubt

for what is so special about this performance 

what am i making a fuss about.

These questions did occupy me, but not anymore,

for my mind became my savior and brought me the answers 

The answers helped my gain my composure 

I overcame my fear

I recalled the quote of the great Shakespeare

He did say this world is a stage and we are actors playing our part

But who is the audience not a single soul had pondered.

If I see with the prism of introspection

I see myself in all

The front row are seated my emotions 

The last row being my logic

The middle however has my peace seated

Observing every scene, romantic, comic or tragic.

The first row is in awe and overwhelmed

The last row comments, laments or dozes off

The middle row keeps them both tied 

And has me glued to my role

What kind of an actor am I ?

The one that is directed by the audience?

But that is the truth

For i am because of my audience

And my audience is because of me

My role was thus decided 

albeit the script hasn't found its ending.

However i still enjoy my role, 

I perform it to my utmost capacity,

for this i assume is a never ending show

always room for more.

Now i know where i belong 

now i know for whom i perform

now i know why do i perform.

The stage is set, the crowd has arrived.

I am ready for the uncertain

and so should you , It's  Showtime !!!!!

Reader's Block Clearing the Path

Assuming myself to be a  reader avid and voracious,
To read new books I was indeed curious.
Thus, I went to a nearby bookstore,
And what I saw left me gaping,
For each book with their title and cover looked tempting
And the smell of the paper just increased my craving.
I went through all possible shelves that had me lured
I felt a sudden sickness i thought would never be cured
As time went by my mind felt heavy
For no discerned reason could I pick a book to read
More than a hobby it felt like a cumbersome deed
To my plight I gave a bit of a thought
And that's when I realized 
That albeit my need to have paper-bound friend
I wasn't sure which to pick from the lot
My mind felt numb like a rock
Did I develop a reader's block ??
What kind of books do I really like,
For I never chose books on my own
And hence to me my favorites could strike
There were books of other genre that intrigued me
I could like those books, what was the possibility,
I never really read the author's other works
What was the author's credibility ?
I came across the books of the genres
That I liked but found them too familiar
I couldn't re-read my earlier books,
It felt like a problem too peculiar
That's when I was struck with epiphany,
Maybe that's how the world seems in its singularity
We make choices that may be wrong
And meet faces that may stay for long
And in this turmoil we doubt our individuality
Not in pride but in fear do we choose solidarity
I want to know beyond me, I want to explore
I want to experience variety, read everything
But never did I feel this need to implore
The reason had the problem simplified
It helped me face my deep dark issues
Memories that had me petrified.
I haven't yet read the books that stay at home
The books that yearn my attention
The books of my own shelf, 
The books I want to borrow from my sibling
And most importantly, the books of my heart and mind.
Only when have I read these books entirely 
Would I feel so enlightened
To know who I am, who I was and who I can be..
As for now there's only one thing that I can see...
That I am a Lion not one among the Sheep's flock
And thus I am grateful to have had this "Reader's Block"....

Tongues and Tears..

When two pairs of lips are enveloped

Is when the foundation of a relationship developed..

As it may lead to tongues, tears or both..

For when lips make way for tongues...

Each explores the other...

Ironic are tongues

For they desire to satiate the insatiable..

Consumed in hunger and glutton to taste..

Yet concerned if they left their taste in the other..

Brazenly clinging and unabashedly craving for more 

Entangled like a mesh..

but if it's just tongues..

its all about the flesh..

For tears gush out when hearts open albeit the enclosed lips..

Mistake not for these tears aren't about grief..

If anything they express only relief..

For the innocence of this infatuation is at its peak..

And nothing more does your heart seek...

They speak volumes of purity..

Yet slip away from closed eyes quietly..
Tears remind of how much we longed...
Reminiscing the times we were wronged..
They whisper now you're free
The pangs of loneliness have let you go..
And now in this pool of innocent infatuation  you can flow...
But at times one may wonder...
What if in the same moment tears liberate and tongues bind...
The flesh is hungry but the heart is also kind.. 
Upon this situation seldom souls ponder..
For when lips touch... 
You either let your tongues explore or tears celebrate.. 
It's not that tongues are defiled and tears chaste..
It's all about the fear that this moment may never last..
But when tears and tongues flow in the same time..
It's love being naked and passion reaching its prime..
Tears and Tongues have their own sense of purity..
And when together they promise the ultimate eternity...

Adulteration in being an adult

From spending money of our parents miserly

To being a spendthrift with our own money...

From being worried about pollution in the world

To polluting our own liver and lungs...

From looking at his cute eyes and her rosy cheeks lovingly..

To looking at his well built contours and her sensuous curves desirably..

We have come a long way In this short life

Have we adulted with our innocence or adulterated our innocence ??...

It's a question seldom asked..

And when not asked renders us insatiated

But fret not ...as it was bound to happen

For innocence has completed it's journey..

And now we embark upon adulthood..

With our mind focussed on our goals

But our heart clinging to our innocence

How to get it back I wonder

Yet upon the journey of this life didn't I ponder..

This longing and clinging made us cry...

For about the future we pry..

In this crying and prying we forgot to smile..

We are now in our youth before death lay another mile..

Smile in the memories and take pride in coming a long way..

For the time to claim and discover ourselves begins this very day..

So what if we are adulterated ..it's we who chose..

For in life we held on to the thorns to smell the rose..

To desire for love, or not desire for love ? that is a question that shouldn't be

To desire for love, or not desire for love ? that is a question that shouldn't be , I admit this is quote of Shakespeare has been modified  but it has been done to bring many things to your notice, especially the teens, students and all those who have  encountered the idea of or have had first hand experience of attraction, infatuation, love, lust, relationship, dating , breakups etc. Yes Valentine's  Day is around the corner so what better topic than this?

Now before it gets ignored as just another article talking about being in love and the greatness of it, for a change we'll be talking about those who aren't in love and would want to be in love. The SINGLES... there are many singles who are happy as they are and don't wish to have a special significant someone in their life for they have become skeptical after seeing couples around them or have seen their near and dear ones going through ups and downs which has got them cold feet to even want this phase in their own lives. The Singles however that we are going to talk about are the singles who wish to be in love, who yearn to have a SSS (special significant someone) in their life.

The funny part about these singles is that you'll find different types, i.e. variety of them in this category as well. How so ? lets do what we do best,.. delve deeper and think beyond the conventional thinking.....

Today's times are  the times of following the crowd, doing what others do, trying match, ape and overtake the people whom we call our peers, and unfortunately this competition with the peers concept which has given rise to peer-pressure has managed to invade in the search for a special-someone too, in fact invaded would be the wrong word, it has amalgamated itself. Then again to contradict with what was said in the beginning of the paragraph, this feeling of peer pressure has risen from our own self, from within our minds, our peers haven't exactly done or said anything to make us feel low about being single, barring a few who themselves don't know real meaning of being with someone as it is a matter of intimacy and not showing off, and lets say even if you show off you celebrate it and not boast or brag about it. At the end of the day its a thought of our own birth.. it will come to us and its up to us as to how we tackle it. Sadly many singles give in to fit in ,  i.e. they rigorously search for someone in their life only to find themselves within the group, to fit in the group, for these poor souls find themselves left out when they are amongst people who have a special someone in their lives. Hence searching for someone in this manner, they don't see that the person whom they have chosen is special or not ? are we special for them or not ? and then such relationships break, some of them break really very badly either leaving you all lifeless or very skeptical, but in either cases they aren't willing to think, question, accept and conclude that somewhere all of this was because of their choice, it was of their choosing, and even if they do they should be brave enough to learn from it and move on rather than hate themselves even more..

Now come the singles who want to have a special someone but only for a fixed time duration. In other words a fling/casual relationship. It has been seen with prejudice without questioning why any couple in the right sense would opt for it. It is feared that because of such people things like love and relationship will lose its sanctity and will forever be sexually inclined. Firstly people shouldn't be judged for their choice as long as others are not being actually harmed or violated. For loneliness is something people want to fight against and the need for being with someone albeit for a shorter fixed duration helps certain people, then what's the harm? how does it put a blemish on their character if they haven't harassed or violated anyone's boundaries or consent. Like I said in my previous blog about lust and love, people looking for casual relationships are seen as perverts being with someone only for the sake of sex; but the question is that how do others know its just sex? or how do they know that sex is even there in the equation? its just stereotyped prejudice and because of this stereotyped prejudice many people are scared and diffident to express their desires, sometimes the matter goes beyond this as these people start to question themselves or their own character for the same.

And now the last type of singles looking for their SSS (Special Significant Someone), these are the kinds that look for a genuine true-love  relationship that lasts forever... Its funny how people really fix a duration or time period of relationships and even funny are those people who judge a relationship based on the time period of it. People look for a short-term relationship and that relationship ends up culminating into a long term forever and for always type relationship and there are People who want to be in a long term relationship without even thinking of the possibilities the future could hold and they end up being in relationships that can't stand the tests of time even for a mere few weeks forget lifetime. People in conditioning their relationships and fixing the tie period of it forget one amazing fact that if a relationship that lasted for a very short period had true love from both ends, those bonds and relationships  are as great as those relationships also based on true love yet lasting a lifetime. Love can magnify personalities and attributes then what's time..

Coming back to these singles, the more pure and earnest they seem from the prism of the society, ironically it's the same society that creates troubles for them in the search of their true love. "You are so young, you shouldn't fall into all of this, focus on your work/studies" "Why look for all of this when you are single, being single is the best thing that could happen to you" and many more such statements we come across when our desires lay exposed. To begin with, these feelings  aroused from one's desire that itself is aroused after a certain age are all coming from within, they aren't influential and they aren't adulterated by peer pressure or sexual fixation, yes an argument could be made about these feelings being defined as infatuation or love but saying such things and shunning people away is just going to suppress it and not help understand it. And feelings when suppressed makes a person feel oppressed. In fact singles in such situations should be encouraged to explore such feelings with a disclaimer of not letting obsession come in their path. The second quote of being single is the best thing is ironically said by people who themselves are in a relationship, such is the hypocrisy, for they are either too self consumed to not let others experience it or are too meek to even break off from a relationship that is suffocating them. There is always a fear of distraction, but by asking them to suppress is also asking for further pressure as feelings when suppressed are further magnified in the process. Such troubles are faced by teenagers, by people in their adolescence, for the pangs of love and infatuation at its purest kind are experienced at such a tender age only, for this age is expected to be the age which is the last hope for innocence but tragically becomes the last stage of innocence after which the stage of adulthood leads to the adulteration of this innocence.

Now coming back to the question asked in the beginning of this post. To answer this question one has to question their own feelings not with doubt but with curiosity, for self assurance if I may say..If my opinion is asked , to desire is the first step in everything that we do, then why this hesitance in our desire to seek comfort, solace, pleasure, peace or love with someone else ? and before we jump to blame society for judging us, we need to first see the times we have judged our own self. To desire is a person's instinct but to judge is a person's prerogative. This desire of loving and seeking love of any kind is eventually our right and no one should question it.

The reason the singles who don't go out looking for relationships are happier is because they have a one true love which is self love. They love their own self and accept the way they are fearing no prejudice hence they don't judge themselves. But we who are in the pursuit are entangled so much by self and societal prejudice that we in the search of someone's love forget to love ourselves. Irony Abounds !!!

Hence from this Valentine's week, promise yourself to love yourself and continue your pursuit for your SSS ignoring all judgement, kiss your wounds of the past, celebrate your desires and feelings with a chocolate, hug your feelings out, feel mushy like a teddy, see your feelings like a rose and ignore the thorns and with honesty towards yourself and others, continue your pursuit for your Valentine..