Reader's Block Clearing the Path

Assuming myself to be a  reader avid and voracious,
To read new books I was indeed curious.
Thus, I went to a nearby bookstore,
And what I saw left me gaping,
For each book with their title and cover looked tempting
And the smell of the paper just increased my craving.
I went through all possible shelves that had me lured
I felt a sudden sickness i thought would never be cured
As time went by my mind felt heavy
For no discerned reason could I pick a book to read
More than a hobby it felt like a cumbersome deed
To my plight I gave a bit of a thought
And that's when I realized 
That albeit my need to have paper-bound friend
I wasn't sure which to pick from the lot
My mind felt numb like a rock
Did I develop a reader's block ??
What kind of books do I really like,
For I never chose books on my own
And hence to me my favorites could strike
There were books of other genre that intrigued me
I could like those books, what was the possibility,
I never really read the author's other works
What was the author's credibility ?
I came across the books of the genres
That I liked but found them too familiar
I couldn't re-read my earlier books,
It felt like a problem too peculiar
That's when I was struck with epiphany,
Maybe that's how the world seems in its singularity
We make choices that may be wrong
And meet faces that may stay for long
And in this turmoil we doubt our individuality
Not in pride but in fear do we choose solidarity
I want to know beyond me, I want to explore
I want to experience variety, read everything
But never did I feel this need to implore
The reason had the problem simplified
It helped me face my deep dark issues
Memories that had me petrified.
I haven't yet read the books that stay at home
The books that yearn my attention
The books of my own shelf, 
The books I want to borrow from my sibling
And most importantly, the books of my heart and mind.
Only when have I read these books entirely 
Would I feel so enlightened
To know who I am, who I was and who I can be..
As for now there's only one thing that I can see...
That I am a Lion not one among the Sheep's flock
And thus I am grateful to have had this "Reader's Block"....

Tongues and Tears..

When two pairs of lips are enveloped

Is when the foundation of a relationship developed..

As it may lead to tongues, tears or both..

For when lips make way for tongues...

Each explores the other...

Ironic are tongues

For they desire to satiate the insatiable..

Consumed in hunger and glutton to taste..

Yet concerned if they left their taste in the other..

Brazenly clinging and unabashedly craving for more 

Entangled like a mesh..

but if it's just tongues..

its all about the flesh..

For tears gush out when hearts open albeit the enclosed lips..

Mistake not for these tears aren't about grief..

If anything they express only relief..

For the innocence of this infatuation is at its peak..

And nothing more does your heart seek...

They speak volumes of purity..

Yet slip away from closed eyes quietly..
Tears remind of how much we longed...
Reminiscing the times we were wronged..
They whisper now you're free
The pangs of loneliness have let you go..
And now in this pool of innocent infatuation  you can flow...
But at times one may wonder...
What if in the same moment tears liberate and tongues bind...
The flesh is hungry but the heart is also kind.. 
Upon this situation seldom souls ponder..
For when lips touch... 
You either let your tongues explore or tears celebrate.. 
It's not that tongues are defiled and tears chaste..
It's all about the fear that this moment may never last..
But when tears and tongues flow in the same time..
It's love being naked and passion reaching its prime..
Tears and Tongues have their own sense of purity..
And when together they promise the ultimate eternity...

Adulteration in being an adult

From spending money of our parents miserly

To being a spendthrift with our own money...

From being worried about pollution in the world

To polluting our own liver and lungs...

From looking at his cute eyes and her rosy cheeks lovingly..

To looking at his well built contours and her sensuous curves desirably..

We have come a long way In this short life

Have we adulted with our innocence or adulterated our innocence ??...

It's a question seldom asked..

And when not asked renders us insatiated

But fret not ...as it was bound to happen

For innocence has completed it's journey..

And now we embark upon adulthood..

With our mind focussed on our goals

But our heart clinging to our innocence

How to get it back I wonder

Yet upon the journey of this life didn't I ponder..

This longing and clinging made us cry...

For about the future we pry..

In this crying and prying we forgot to smile..

We are now in our youth before death lay another mile..

Smile in the memories and take pride in coming a long way..

For the time to claim and discover ourselves begins this very day..

So what if we are adulterated ..it's we who chose..

For in life we held on to the thorns to smell the rose..

To desire for love, or not desire for love ? that is a question that shouldn't be

To desire for love, or not desire for love ? that is a question that shouldn't be , I admit this is quote of Shakespeare has been modified  but it has been done to bring many things to your notice, especially the teens, students and all those who have  encountered the idea of or have had first hand experience of attraction, infatuation, love, lust, relationship, dating , breakups etc. Yes Valentine's  Day is around the corner so what better topic than this?

Now before it gets ignored as just another article talking about being in love and the greatness of it, for a change we'll be talking about those who aren't in love and would want to be in love. The SINGLES... there are many singles who are happy as they are and don't wish to have a special significant someone in their life for they have become skeptical after seeing couples around them or have seen their near and dear ones going through ups and downs which has got them cold feet to even want this phase in their own lives. The Singles however that we are going to talk about are the singles who wish to be in love, who yearn to have a SSS (special significant someone) in their life.

The funny part about these singles is that you'll find different types, i.e. variety of them in this category as well. How so ? lets do what we do best,.. delve deeper and think beyond the conventional thinking.....

Today's times are  the times of following the crowd, doing what others do, trying match, ape and overtake the people whom we call our peers, and unfortunately this competition with the peers concept which has given rise to peer-pressure has managed to invade in the search for a special-someone too, in fact invaded would be the wrong word, it has amalgamated itself. Then again to contradict with what was said in the beginning of the paragraph, this feeling of peer pressure has risen from our own self, from within our minds, our peers haven't exactly done or said anything to make us feel low about being single, barring a few who themselves don't know real meaning of being with someone as it is a matter of intimacy and not showing off, and lets say even if you show off you celebrate it and not boast or brag about it. At the end of the day its a thought of our own birth.. it will come to us and its up to us as to how we tackle it. Sadly many singles give in to fit in ,  i.e. they rigorously search for someone in their life only to find themselves within the group, to fit in the group, for these poor souls find themselves left out when they are amongst people who have a special someone in their lives. Hence searching for someone in this manner, they don't see that the person whom they have chosen is special or not ? are we special for them or not ? and then such relationships break, some of them break really very badly either leaving you all lifeless or very skeptical, but in either cases they aren't willing to think, question, accept and conclude that somewhere all of this was because of their choice, it was of their choosing, and even if they do they should be brave enough to learn from it and move on rather than hate themselves even more..

Now come the singles who want to have a special someone but only for a fixed time duration. In other words a fling/casual relationship. It has been seen with prejudice without questioning why any couple in the right sense would opt for it. It is feared that because of such people things like love and relationship will lose its sanctity and will forever be sexually inclined. Firstly people shouldn't be judged for their choice as long as others are not being actually harmed or violated. For loneliness is something people want to fight against and the need for being with someone albeit for a shorter fixed duration helps certain people, then what's the harm? how does it put a blemish on their character if they haven't harassed or violated anyone's boundaries or consent. Like I said in my previous blog about lust and love, people looking for casual relationships are seen as perverts being with someone only for the sake of sex; but the question is that how do others know its just sex? or how do they know that sex is even there in the equation? its just stereotyped prejudice and because of this stereotyped prejudice many people are scared and diffident to express their desires, sometimes the matter goes beyond this as these people start to question themselves or their own character for the same.

And now the last type of singles looking for their SSS (Special Significant Someone), these are the kinds that look for a genuine true-love  relationship that lasts forever... Its funny how people really fix a duration or time period of relationships and even funny are those people who judge a relationship based on the time period of it. People look for a short-term relationship and that relationship ends up culminating into a long term forever and for always type relationship and there are People who want to be in a long term relationship without even thinking of the possibilities the future could hold and they end up being in relationships that can't stand the tests of time even for a mere few weeks forget lifetime. People in conditioning their relationships and fixing the tie period of it forget one amazing fact that if a relationship that lasted for a very short period had true love from both ends, those bonds and relationships  are as great as those relationships also based on true love yet lasting a lifetime. Love can magnify personalities and attributes then what's time..

Coming back to these singles, the more pure and earnest they seem from the prism of the society, ironically it's the same society that creates troubles for them in the search of their true love. "You are so young, you shouldn't fall into all of this, focus on your work/studies" "Why look for all of this when you are single, being single is the best thing that could happen to you" and many more such statements we come across when our desires lay exposed. To begin with, these feelings  aroused from one's desire that itself is aroused after a certain age are all coming from within, they aren't influential and they aren't adulterated by peer pressure or sexual fixation, yes an argument could be made about these feelings being defined as infatuation or love but saying such things and shunning people away is just going to suppress it and not help understand it. And feelings when suppressed makes a person feel oppressed. In fact singles in such situations should be encouraged to explore such feelings with a disclaimer of not letting obsession come in their path. The second quote of being single is the best thing is ironically said by people who themselves are in a relationship, such is the hypocrisy, for they are either too self consumed to not let others experience it or are too meek to even break off from a relationship that is suffocating them. There is always a fear of distraction, but by asking them to suppress is also asking for further pressure as feelings when suppressed are further magnified in the process. Such troubles are faced by teenagers, by people in their adolescence, for the pangs of love and infatuation at its purest kind are experienced at such a tender age only, for this age is expected to be the age which is the last hope for innocence but tragically becomes the last stage of innocence after which the stage of adulthood leads to the adulteration of this innocence.

Now coming back to the question asked in the beginning of this post. To answer this question one has to question their own feelings not with doubt but with curiosity, for self assurance if I may say..If my opinion is asked , to desire is the first step in everything that we do, then why this hesitance in our desire to seek comfort, solace, pleasure, peace or love with someone else ? and before we jump to blame society for judging us, we need to first see the times we have judged our own self. To desire is a person's instinct but to judge is a person's prerogative. This desire of loving and seeking love of any kind is eventually our right and no one should question it.

The reason the singles who don't go out looking for relationships are happier is because they have a one true love which is self love. They love their own self and accept the way they are fearing no prejudice hence they don't judge themselves. But we who are in the pursuit are entangled so much by self and societal prejudice that we in the search of someone's love forget to love ourselves. Irony Abounds !!!

Hence from this Valentine's week, promise yourself to love yourself and continue your pursuit for your SSS ignoring all judgement, kiss your wounds of the past, celebrate your desires and feelings with a chocolate, hug your feelings out, feel mushy like a teddy, see your feelings like a rose and ignore the thorns and with honesty towards yourself and others, continue your pursuit for your Valentine.. 

Live and you'll survive your survival, live and you'll exist before you exit

Any being in this world goes from one basic stage to another, i.e. from living to dying. Literally speaking we do but metaphorically we go through these two stages on a day to day basis. Confused? lets delve deeper then.

From being alive to being death is this journey called life, the duration called life span. But being alive also involves three stages, these stages however are misinterpreted by many of us as one and the same thing. What are these stages ?Have we really understood them? Did we really go through these stages? Lets delve deeper..

The first stage is the realization of "Existence", to realize that we exist in this world, to explore the reasons and the purpose of our existence. To know who we really are as a being. To know what are we capable of since our birth and what other capabilities can we develop within us as we progress in our journey of life. The process of finding answers to all these questions is the stage of realizing our existence. The affirmation that we exist. Its not a declaration to the world but to ourselves, it is a declaration that should be made every time we have doubted our existence, our importance in this world. That's the beauty of these three stages, there is no actual hierarchy involved, no time span for these stages, we go through these three stages of being alive at every passing moment, with every passing breath. 

  "अपने  होने  पे  मुझको  यकीन  आ  गया   (I now realize, I EXIST) 

-Farhan Akhtar(Voice) Javed Akhtar(words)

The next stage is "Survival". Now that we know or should I say have a faint idea of who or what I really am, what should I make of it ? How to keep my existence or state of being alive intact or for a better rephrasing how can I make my life more comfortable for my own luxuries and at the same time prolong death ? we never really think of it by literally asking these questions but we set ourselves in the journey of earning, yearning and longing so that we can satiate all our hungers. To satiate our hunger to stay alive and secure we earn to get food, shelter. To satiate the hunger that develops from the fear of being alone, we get into relationships (physical/emotional), we marry and mate. The other hunger is the hunger that develops from the competition with other beings, in proving who is better thus striving for fame, better posts, better lifestyle. So do these acts for survival come from fears, insecurities and hunger ? maybe.. but then the hunger and insecurities and fears are no external agents, they are our very own creations out of our lack patience to observe our existence and thus the inability to make meaning out of it. I don't say that the above things that we do for survival is wrong, no.. but are we really enjoying whatever we have been hoarding or goading ? The answer or a hint of it can be given in the third stage.

The third stage is "Living", the complex yet the most simplest stage of all, complex because you can't really explain what living is, simple because the answer is in the above two stages yet we are so engrossed in those stages, especially the stage of survival that we don't see it. Living is experiencing and enjoying, observing and contemplating the results heaped from the questions answered in the stages of existence and survival, stopping for a moment and being happy in our mind for all the happiness and positivities we are blessed with, it also means observing and contemplating as to where we are going wrong as humans and how can we better ourselves. Living is experiencing, learning, questioning, reasoning and again experiencing.

But we are so impatient that we have directly jumped to the second stage and are obstinate to stay in the same, not bothering to look back or beyond. We live, sorry, we survive under an assumption about our identity. We earn but we don't learn, we eat but we don't taste, we have sex but we don't make love, we drive but we don't travel, we get fame but we don't know ourselves, thus we survive but we don't live... and sometimes we don't even exist.

So what will we do of all these means of survival if we don't know who we are and aren't enjoying these means as they are supposed to be. Sometimes living and surviving are mixed, for e.g. you are putting up with people in a group you don't really agree with or don't like being with but due to a certain misconception in your mind that you got to be with them otherwise you won't survive.. hence you say that you're in a group to survive but you tell yourselves you're living, thus either you are confused about living or surviving or you like keeping yourself in a bubble. 

These stages are intertwined so you can't really abandon one stage for another.. but if you know yourself and start living you won't have the need to survive..

पर ज़िन्दगी काटनी किसे है ? हमे तो जीनी थी  (Who wanted to just SURVIVE,  I wanted to LIVE ;) 

- Shahrukh Khan (from the movie Zero).

 Realize your existence, and then you can make your choice to live or to survive. Survive but don't forget to live.. Live and you won't find the need to survive and you'll never feel like you're surviving and in this path of Living you'll realize that you Exist. 

"Live and you'll survive, Live and you'll exist, for that's how one can be alive even after they exit to Death.."

-Deepak Vyas 

Lusting after Love, yet not Loving your Lust !!!!!!

There are 4 major types of feelings we experience for our surroundings and in most cases it pertains to the people around us. Those are the feelings of Like, Love , Lust and Hatred. Barring the last feeling the above all feelings along with the feeling of understanding the feelings of others, what we call as Empathy come under the umbrella of Compassion. All these feelings seem alike but all these feelings including the feeling of hatred come under the idea of giving importance to the other. The only counterpart of these feelings is the feeling of Apathy. One has the feeling of apathy for others because one doesn't really give other that much importance.

This time it's neither about Apathy, nor is it about hatred, it's about the positive feelings, and in that too, the most intimate ones. The most basic feeling of these is the feeling of Like, This feeling is more like a seed implanted in our hearts which when nourished as per our choice and understanding may grow to the feeling of Love or the feeling of Lust. Which brings me to the belles of the ball. 

Love the feeling which is ambiguous yet it brings a lot of clarity in life, or may be not, maybe this is its ambiguity. Often finding it difficult to explain why is it considered the purest feeling of all. Love is been given the status of purity and divinity yet it has faced prejudice and discrimination, not only because of the people we choose to love but because of the type of love we may have. 

Love does change its dynamics as per the type of people we are surrounded by but then, this is the Love for the soul, the feeling for someone beyond it's physicality, for the Love for that is called in a very foul manner as Lust. Lust in it's dictionary terms is defined as a strong sexual desire, further surfing in the net will give you a definition that calls it a psychological force producing intense wanting (in simpler words desire) which goes beyond sexual desire. The way I see it, it is a feeling of attraction juxtaposed with the feeling of desire and appreciation for the physical appearance of the subject of the feeling. People have also went on to say that lust leads to love if given time. It is not given a stature of love because it is often confused and portrayed in a negative light. Lust is confused with obsession. 

One forgets that as humans we have the potential to love, but one doesn't contemplate further to realize that this love that we have inside us constitutes of all kinds of love, love for the physical and love for beyond physical. this division of love for physical being lust and love for non physical being lust is also superficial as we have went on to "Lust" for non-tangible things like fame and power and have ended up loving things that are physically present. 

Love and Lust can be seen as twins, that's one of the theories I can come up with. They are the twin children of Desire , Love has a choice though it can be desire free or with desire, the former leads you to a path of selfless love and a completely desire free person, like a hermit.The latter though instills an energy in you to invest your time feelings and energy till you have the subject of your love in your life, the kind of love that could be generally called as passionate love. Lust on the other hand is the prodigal child of Desire, it's definition has this word so one can't ignore that desire does exist.

However lust still has a choice, a kind of choice that even passionate lovers are prone too as they are attached to desires, and the choice is to embrace Obsession. Obsession is a notch beyond passion, where if the desire is not satisfied one gets so obstinate and possessed with the subject of the same that one destroys self and everything in it's path. This is a blemish that needs to be washed away for all those who lust but are not obsessive. 

Thus there is hesitance and apprehension in admitting our lustful feelings, fearing the prejudice, most of which is self prejudice. The question is that will this diminish the existence of our desires or fantasies? Won't acceptance be a key in understanding and then making the correct choices? This is not a feeling instilled by external influence, it is an in built feeling which stems from the seed of attraction. 

Then there are relationships judged because they are solely on the basis of Lust. The question is what is wrong to choose to have such a relationship as long as it is with mutual consent of the concerned people and there is no case resulting from an unwanted obsession. If a bond can be made by pursuing the feelings developed out of our desire and attraction towards the aesthetics and appearance or the attraction of the other, then there is nothing wrong to be found. Sometimes lust leads to love as well. It acts as a channel of appreciating the person beyond its physicality through the physicality, hence lust is also needed to express love. "If you don't lust after what you love then how will you make love to your love??" 

Yes in this pursuit of aesthetic and desire based feeling one has to make sure that the one that they have this feeling for shouldn't feel harassed, violated or stalked and uncomfortable for if you find yourself under such situations , the feelings then need to be checked if they aren't adulterated by obsession and whatever our feelings be we have no right to impose it on others. 

Many of us who chose love over lust assume that they have chosen true love, but love is infinite in its ways and can't be restricted to a kind. This means we have just chosen a side of love so that we or the people who keep judging us are comfortable. Isn't this biased with love, isn't this a lust for love to a certain level ? Love is meant to dissolve divisions but here we are creating divisions within the shades of love itself and not appreciate its various ways or faces. 

Lust is always given a sexual connotation but as mentioned before even love is expressed sexually, having said that don't we lust to live a lavish life ? don't we lust for fancy clothes, gadgets and food ?then why such a restricted mindset to make a feeling that we are born with look so bad ? Lust is indeed a representative of sensuality but sensuality is not about the sense of skin and feel alone. It is about our other sense organs as well. We lust to see beauty, lust to taste good food, lust to hear melodious music, lust to smell enchanting fragrances. Then why shy from this feeling, why condemn it. 

Love as we know it is more about beyond the appearance and aesthetics and is about soul. But for that we need to be honest and appreciative of our soul which is in turn giving it an aesthetic appeal. So will it lead to love or lust ? Contemplate and then choose to which feeling you want to give in to. 

"LOVE is about soul or spirit hence is seen as a form of SPIRITUALITY,   LUST is a bout our senses hence is a representative of SENSUALITY. 

            Spirituality and Sensuality may seem different but the common thing about these two is that both of them get you high, both take you to places beyond time and space. Both give you  pleasure and enlightenment."

Reflections I saw in the "Shades of Mirror"- an understanding, an interpretation, an introspection

I am no critic, nor am I an enlightened monk who understands how this world works or should work. I am just a vagabond soul, with my mind wandering in various horizons of thoughts exploring, experiencing and trying to interpret the best out of the situations around me, the incidences around me, the experiences around me. My mind was craving to satiate its wanderlust and then it was drawn towards this book "Shades of Mirror". The title caught my attention for one sees the way one is in the mirror but in the inner mirrors of conscience, desires, emotions and feelings how does one see oneself ? This book helped me find a path to the answers of these questions. 

The poets Shivangi Goenka,  Yash Kanodia, Saransh Gupta and Disha Agarwal   with minimal sentences yet with deep thought provoking ideas and heart and gut wrenching emotions show you reflections of the very human nature and its transcendence and regression and the very same reflection of how our society is. In each of the 60 poems in this book, I smiled for the amusing tales, I cried for the trauma and tragedy faced by the protagonist in the small tales of the poems, I found myself related to the poems as if they were the stories of my own life. 

The common experience I had while reading all these poems was, that I saw; I saw how life can be ruthless and merciless, how the trauma caused by various incidents of life, force you to end your life or live it lifelessly for very rare come out as survivors. There are times when we are lost, we have lost our paths, we forget where are we supposed to be headed and have no idea of where are we heading towards. Then there is also the case of not being able to look beyond the visible, how we believe everything we see, hear and feel what lies in front of us but not ready to expand our vision and accept the various possibilities and probabilities that could make the visible, we also aren't too flexible to see from the other end.  Our desire to explore the other, in the physical, emotional and relational aspect helps us see ourselves and also the world around us, how romance for ourselves and for others not only changes our perspective but also enhances it.

All the above situations are the themes or as the poets rightly put it, the Shades through which our gaze is widened not only to see the big picture but to see in which shade does our reflection lie,  for after seeing our reflection, after seeing who we are and what the world around us is, we have various choices at our disposal.

When we see ourselves in the mirror we are conscious and embarrassed by the flaws in us, we cover them up and then see ourselves again, we hope for those flaws to be removed so that when we see ourselves again we can be relieved, hence we work on them, the similar case can't be said while looking in the mirror of our mind. "The mirror shows us how we really are yet our mind craves to look in a certain way, similarly the mirror of our mind shows us WHO we really are but that craving to see our better self is lost ". Similarly when I began reading it I was disturbed, scarred and uncomfortable, for maybe because i wasn't ready to see the truths that the book was asking me to face, the possibilities of human nature and potential that I found hard to come to terms with, that face of the society, that I wasn't ready to see yet I knew it existed, but it was through these poems of the book that I could see my possibilities, an ability to see myself and decide as to how I choose to see myself and the world around me. 

To conclude, I'd say all these shades are the shades of one mirror. We walk around as individuals, we come alone, we leave alone, but we are "WE" even when we walk alone we are with our shadows, hence we aren't really alone. There are many instances that when I read this book, I felt emotional for incidents i never experienced, yet I managed to empathize with the story in the poem. Thus the reflection of apathy which is a reality in today's times leads to a vision of empathy, which is a possibility. This can be a shade we would love to see in the mirror when we see ourselves again.