I lay awake in my bed with her by my side,
she was asleep for she was content and pleasured
while i fought with the feeling that i was drowning
in an ocean whose depth hadn't been measured.
Not that i did not enjoy the pleasures of fornication,
I was satisfied, like the many years in the past,
my heart though ached for a joyful consummation,
the love when made, would go on to last.
The former is exciting, with no expectations,
Promising you variety, making you greed for more,
"No strings attached" as said in the common folklore.
But when there are no strings for a time too long,
Life seems wayward, struggling with the dearth of a purpose,
it seems all noise, like a sad metal song.
The latter is a beautiful prospect,
for it binds you, guides you with a path forward
Providing the liberty to expect.
Then why did i choose to be promiscuous?
This question reminds me of the times,
when regarding matters of the heart,
I was a bit too innocuous.
I was set to seek, what looked like binding,
But was too awed to notice, it was blinding.
Not my body, soul or mind
If anything, i felt robbed of my value.
I was heartbroken, i don't wish to say how,
I felt unworthy, i felt alone, yet i didn't insult love.
for i knew it was an experience that left me scarred
I was just scared, albeit too much,
Made myself too wary, never letting my hopes get marred.
Thus i chose the path of physical union,
where love was made without any love,
Ironical as it sounds, I felt protected
For now i didn't feel hurt or broken
A perfect "armor against amour".
This path turned out well selected
As for no one until now, i could let feelings harbor.
Yes "until now", for this girl who lays beside me,
she seems ecstatic now, but is quite enigmatic.
As i see her smile now, it's a smile beyond ecstasy.
It signifies a fulfillment of a dream,
Not another bedroom fantasy.
The days we spent before this fateful night,
we would talk and observe,
For when she was around,
I felt an uncomfortable comfort.
For her words made me want to go back,
To that old version of me,
The one who was long forgotten,
The one judged to be so cheesy,
but her presence made me feel that perhaps,
returning to that old self would be breezy.
However, i had gotten so used to restraining myself to the body,
my conscience fought hard to coerce my mind towards the soul.
As i brought my eyes to her beautiful pair,
I observed her looking beyond me as if i were a ghoul.
The way she saw, made me feel naked,
for i felt the piercing of her sight,
that went beyond skin and flesh,
till it discovered my wounds,
that i feared would go back to being fresh.
I saw her wipe a struggling tear,
assuming we shared similar foes,
we smiled and let the attraction takes it course
for that flirtatious tension existed,
that neither wanted to ruin by sharing woes.
Her words and eyes already made me feel chaste,
and now her touch felt like salvation.
I now realize how much I am at peace,
like that lost traveler who made it to it's destination.
As my thoughts helped me reach a decision,
she woke up stretching her sinuous limbs lazily,
her eyes were teary like that day,
she wore that same smile, although
in that smile hid a question very hazily.
I was early to wipe that tear away,
as i cupped her face and kissed her forehead,
her smile became wider, it declared we were ready,
to put our souls at stake,
thus we cuddled and snuggled to sleep,
but in love we felt awake.
For we explored each others' bodies in fornication,
only to reach a destination,
the path of which was paved by a connection,
a connection beyond body and soul,
thus the medium was this fornication,
only to reach a destination,
a destination that was salvation,
a salvation by this consummation.
